High Sensitive PersonsPosted by Annet de Zwart High Sensitive Coaching Mon, July 02, 2018 12:53:09
How do you go through life? Do you tend to look at things from a positive perspective? Or are you looking at it from a more pessimistic view? You might think you have a realistic perspective. All ways of looking at life have an energy to it. There are two kinds of energy in life, anabolic and catabolic. Anabolic is the energy were things feel good, it is an expanding, growing, nurturing, building energy. The other is catabolic energy, this energy can feel draining, heavy, contracting and destructive. There is a famous quote saying: “Everything is Energy”. This is what I’ve come to believe is true. Every word, thought, feeling, action, event has energy in it. Mostly this is referred to as simply positive or negative. But this is only the simplified version, there is much more to it than just positive or negative.
How we perceive the world, creates our world. Energy is the base for how we experience things, for how we feel and think about it. If you look at a specific situation it can have different meaning for people. For instance, you probably know the expression “The glass is half empty or half full”. You could see it either way, some people think it is best to see it half empty, they believe you will not get disappointed so quickly because you were already expecting the situation, you prepare yourself for bad things happening. The thing is, if you believe the glass is half empty, you see the world through a catabolic lens and you are actually attracting the same energy as you put out there, also influencing the world around you. There are plenty of tests to be found on the internet that show your energy effects life around you. For instance, when you take two groups of plants, and both are given the same amount of water and nutrients, one group is lovingly tended after, spoken to with kind words and feelings of love and kindness, and the second group is tended with all kinds of negative thoughts and is spoken to in an angry way. The results will be that the negatively treated plants will wither and will not thrive and the other group will look very healthy and grow better. There are all kinds of variations of this test, another is being done with three closed jars with boiled rice for instance. They are kept closed for several weeks, each jar gets a daily dose of emotions; spoken to in a certain way and sending feelings to it, one gets treated neutral, one treated angry and the last treated with love and kindness. The one treated with love and kindness will not go moldy and spoil and the one which is treated with anger has more mold and decay then the neutral jar.
These are examples of how catabolic energy effects things. This also happens in our lives. If we surround ourselves with lots of catabolic energy we will have more problems and attract difficulty. Now it is not only a matter of having positive and anabolic people in our lives. Our own thoughts, feelings and actions also send out energy and attract like energy. And this is something we can have more control of!
So the energy effects everything in our surrounding and ourselves. It is like you are looking through a lens and depending on which one you see through it determines what you see and experience.
There are always two main components which create your world, you and your surroundings. Your effect on your surroundings is limited to a certain extent. You might want to win the lottery or be in a happier and healthier workplace but there are all these other people also influencing their surroundings. Some are consciously doing that and most others in total ignorance.
The interesting thing is once you start consciously changing your energy you also effect the world around you. You might not effect your angry and bitter boss so much, but a little, yes. You could even meet a person on your way home who offers you a job at a nicer and healthier workplace. Once you start changing your energy you start changing your world. In the beginning you might not see a huge difference but eventually things will start changing. It is like an oil stain which grows bigger and bigger. Of course there is a difference between thinking anabolic thoughts and action, if your actions are not aligned with your thoughts you will still feel struggles. These are all complicated automated patterns in your brains that have been in place, sometimes for many years. So it does take some awareness and effort to change things.
The Energy Leadership Index assessment will help you get these patterns clear and have awareness of their existence. Once you have that awareness you can change or replace the patterns into new ones that create a better fit to your plans for the future and for having the life you want. Until the 20th of July I am offering the ELI assessment for the reduced price of €95,- (instead of 149,-). For more information email me at email@example.com
High Sensitive PersonsPosted by Annet de Zwart High Sensitive Coaching Sat, April 14, 2018 14:19:18
A month ago I was in San Francisco to attend a training by Elaine Aron together with 15 others. There were some well known specialists among us, not only from the USA like Ted Zeff, Jacquelyn Strickland and Tracy Cooper but also Karina Zegers de Beijl from Spain, Tom Falkenstein from Germany, Barbara Allen from the UK. We were all invited by Elaine to receive this training to gain more (scientific) knowledge about the trait. We heard the latest research about Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS, which is the scientific name for HSP) from all kinds of researchers including her own. We had a fantastic time learning from Elaine and each other and we are all more then ever dedicated to make the trait more known and educate others about it. Soon our group will be be on her website as experts! I'll post a link as soon as it is available.
One very important concept is; differential susceptibility. HSPs respond more to positive stimuli than non-HSPs so intervention for sensitives is very beneficial.
One study indicated that depressed 11 year old girls who were sensitive were less depressed after intervention than non-HSCs.
Another study indicated that HSPs had more brain activation than non-HSPs when looking at positive and negative pictures. The HSPs who had a positive childhood responded deeper emotionally to positive pictures than HSPs who had a negative childhood.
According to Elaine Aron,”The results give us some insight as to why HSPs exhibit “differential susceptibility,” suffering more in bad environments but doing especially well in good ones. It seems that in good environments HSPs may pay more attention to positive stimuli relative to negative and react more strongly. This is even more so if they have had good parenting, and this can be very subtle such as a parent’s slight smile of approval or delight. HSPs benefit more from a better childhood and are harmed more from a poorer childhood.
These studies allow us to see how positive environments really do lead to a deeper processing of positive stimuli in HSPs. In addition, such a positive childhood increases self-awareness, arousal, self-control, and calmness, which are so important when responding to any emotional situation.
Elaine Aron further predicts that if a child simply learns that they have the trait of high sensitivity and that there is nothing wrong with them that will help in creating a more positive childhood for the HSC. Much harm can be done in childhood by parents not understanding their sensitive child.
Sometimes a child with the trait of high sensitivity is misdiagnosed as having a diagnosed disorder. For example, Highly Sensitive Children could falsely appear to have ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) because:
*When over-stimulated, sensitive children might be forgetful and make mistakes.
*HSCs can receive poor grades due to over-arousal in a classroom.
*Due to the fact that HSCs are very conscientious, they may feel overwhelmed from schoolwork pressure and function poorly, especially when being observed.
However, sensitive children differ from those children with ADHD since:
*In a quiet setting HSCs don’t have a problem focusing.
*They are not impulsive.
*HSCs are careful to avoid mistakes.
This is why it is so important to acknowledge and be aware that HSPs can easily be misdiagnosed as having a disorder when having the trait of high sensitivity is a normal trait found among 20% of the population is very important.
I feel more dedicated than ever to share my knowledge on this important subject and want to give as many lectures and presentations as I can manage. It is so important to share about the trait because HSP’s have so much to offer to the world if they are welcomed to share their ideas and thoughts. In companies they have sometimes difficulty to function if there is no room for their personal needs, with small adjustments they can thrive and add so much value to the business. In schools and healthcare there are working a lot of HSP’s and they are very good at it although it is a very demanding job and when an HSP does not provide his or herself with the proper self care they are easily overwhelmed and at risk to a burnout or depression. A lot of these problems can be prevented with small steps and adjustments to the work environment. All it takes sometimes is knowledge and information so employers can provide a better environment, which will not only benefit the HSP but also the non-HSP.
If you know of an organization or group of people who would be open to hearing all about the trait then please contact me! This could be in Dutch or English! I would love some introductions!
High Sensitive PersonsPosted by Annet de Zwart High Sensitive Coaching Sun, March 11, 2018 17:19:07
HSP’s are always having trouble being affected by other people’s energy. They experience feelings, moods and stress from others. Sometimes they are not even aware of what kind of energy it is and they just feel angry, upset or something else and they cannot understand why they are feeling it because nothing happened that could create that feeling. You can pick feelings up from others, even feeling tired or stressed. Hsp’s can be like sponges, absorbing things from others who might not even be aware of their own feelings. So you might know what someone is feeling before they realize what it is they are feeling. This can be confusing if you tell them what you sense and that person denies it. If they don’t realize yet what it is they are feeling they are not lying to you, they are simply unaware of what they are feeling.
Sometimes you only have to enter a room and feel suddenly depressed, anxious or sad. HSP’s are more in tune with the world around them and often focused on the outside world and they are affected by all things around them. Just think how different you would feel, regardless of your personal state, sitting on a bench in a very busy street in big city compared to sitting on a bench next to a beautiful lake, or in a forest with a nice view. These are all outside you but they are affecting your feelings and state of being. Just like persons around you.
This is all an energy matter, your energy is being influenced by others. Because you are not aware of your own body and its energy, other energy can creep in and affect you. Sometimes people say: ’this person is so horrible, I always feel totally drained when I am in the same area for an hour with them’. The thing is, it’s not the other persons fault. Everyone and everything emits a certain energy, some are stronger than others and some are more pleasant than others, like the forest view, ocean side or a happy person vs. an angry person. If someone is very happy and cheerful it will be very nice to absorb that energy and you will probably enjoy that feeling even though you didn’t create it yourself. A negative energy affecting you will be less enjoyable. The problem is we can be totally unaware of this happening, and we are taught from early on to be focused on what others are feeling and thinking of us, how we come across. We are told that focusing on yourself is selfish and egoistic, not a good thing. And sometimes we are simply not taught to look after ourselves. Even a simple question like, “How do you feel about that?” is not always asked.
So no wonder we don’t know what is going on and were our energy is and mostly, who's it is.
So what to do about it? It really is a simple practice; learn how to be aware of your body, what does it feel like? Asking questions, what does it like, need? Your body knows an awful lot about how you are feeling, it can give you all the information you need. Knowing how your body feels in a relaxed state, in a stressed state or when you are sad or angry will set a base, a norm so to speak. Paying attention to your body helps you become familiar with your own patterns and state. Really becoming aware of what you feel and where you feel it in your body will help you identify what is going on. If you are stressed, where do you feel this? Chest? Stomach? Head? And what do you feel there? Pain, an anxious feeling, a bal of heat, cold?
Once you are familiar with how your body feels in different states it gets so much easier to recognize when you're feeling someone else’s energy. Simply making a habit of asking yourself: “How do I feel, how does my body feel, what does my body want?” can make a big difference. In the beginning you will need to remind yourself all the time to think about this. You could even set an alarm to remind yourself to do this. You might need a little time to figure out how your body is feeling, just be patient with yourself. Once you do it more often you will start doing this automatically and after time you will know instantly if you focus your attention on it.
So go ahead and set a timer or alarm on your phone or watch every hour or two hours to begin with and when the alarm goes of ask yourself; How am I feeling, how does my body feel? Any stress, tension, or other feelings anywhere? If you do this for a week you will recognize what you are feeling much easier and you will also start recognizing what is yours, and when you are absorbing someone else's energy or feelings. Then it will be much easier to let go if it is not yours.
If you have any questions or comments, write them below and I’ll get back to them!
High Sensitive PersonsPosted by Annet de Zwart High Sensitive Coaching Mon, February 12, 2018 12:41:52
There are no mistakes
One of the most challenging concepts I learned during my coach training at iPEC was “There Are No Mistakes”. Almost everyone in our group was a little in doubt about this one. Surely it sounds nice and like something that would be great if it was true, but it was a difficult concept for many of us. Seven years later I truly believe this wholeheartedly. Let me explain this a bit to you.
We all experience challenging situations, we sometimes think afterwards; I made the wrong decision, I should have done something else because it did not turn out right, if only I chose this or that then things would have been fine. Well, in hindsight everything is always so much easier. Each and every situation that does not go according to plan or makes you feel like you made a bad decision, teaches you something. You may learn something about yourself, or you will find a new way how you can handle something, and often it shows you what boundaries you could make clearer to others. Sometimes you will get very stressed, or frustrated by the things that are happening because afterwards it seems so easy to recognize what went wrong and how exactly it could have gone better.
What we forget is that in the moment of a decision, we make it based on what we know at that time, and we do our best to do the best thing possible. Then afterwards you get feedback, or something happens that makes it clear to you, this did not go well. And only then can you see what could have gone better, not before. So basically, the situation itself showed you how it can be improved and how you could have done it differently. But in that moment you did not yet know. If it didn’t happen the way it did you would not have known how and what to change. And yes, some decisions can have very serious impact in our lives and/or very sad consequences.
To learn how to accept the consequences of your decisions can be challenging and may take some soul searching. You could find that you actually subconsciously were sabotaging yourself, maybe you were ignoring something that you deep down already knew. If you look deep enough and be very honest with yourself you’ll probably find the answer to a situation in your life you are unhappy about. Sometimes seeing a situation for what it is and being completely honest is very hard. It’s interesting how others sometimes see it before we see it ourselves. How often does it happen you know what the problem is that someone else is having, he or she needs to let go of something, or needs to take action. But for some reason they are not able to do that yet. There could be all kinds of reasons why it is hard to do what you unconsciously know needs to happen. You could have trouble letting someone or something go out of your life, maybe a friend, a loved one or a job. Accepting is a thing that takes time, you need to grow towards something, and that is why life keeps throwing situations at you in which you feel uncomfortable. The feeling of discomfort can be the pressure or little nudge you need to take action for that actual change towards something better.
I believe that life creates situations for you so you can practice and grow as a human. It would not even be possible to do everything correct the first time you are challenged with life. Sometimes it takes two, three, even way more times before you get it. So be gentle with yourself in the process, you can do as best as you can and if necessary, you’ll make the same mistake a couple of times. Not a problem, life is patient. Life just keeps throwing situations upon you until you get the point and you can move on to a new lesson.
If you have any comments, thoughts or questions about this blog, I would love for you to post them below and I’ll get back to them!
High Sensitive PersonsPosted by Annet de Zwart High Sensitive Coaching Sat, January 13, 2018 15:03:31
So once in a while you start new things in your life. As an HSP this is sometimes hard because of all the processing we do before something is 'good enough'. We can be our own hardest critics. For me growing and learning has always been very important tome and still is. During my coach training at iPEC we learned a principle "We either grow or die". It seems very strongly put but for me it is true. When I don't learn new things and expand my knowledge I feel bored or things start to go less fluent, the 'flow' disappears. That way bumps are created on the road that require me to grow and learn again. So for me this is a natural process.
Over thinking and judging are still there sometimes and in all my coach trainings and other experiences I learned some tips and tricks and ways of dealing with this so that nowadays things are less hard and I get more done. In this blog I hope to share some of the things that I learned along the way that made my life easier and I hope you will learn something from my thoughts and experiences. So feel free to comment and share your thoughts and questions!