There are no mistakes
One of the most challenging concepts I learned during my coach training at iPEC was “There Are No Mistakes”. Almost everyone in our group was a little in doubt about this one. Surely it sounds nice and like something that would be great if it was true, but it was a difficult concept for many of us. Seven years later I truly believe this wholeheartedly. Let me explain this a bit to you.
We all experience challenging situations, we sometimes think afterwards; I made the wrong decision, I should have done something else because it did not turn out right, if only I chose this or that then things would have been fine. Well, in hindsight everything is always so much easier. Each and every situation that does not go according to plan or makes you feel like you made a bad decision, teaches you something. You may learn something about yourself, or you will find a new way how you can handle something, and often it shows you what boundaries you could make clearer to others. Sometimes you will get very stressed, or frustrated by the things that are happening because afterwards it seems so easy to recognize what went wrong and how exactly it could have gone better.
What we forget is that in the moment of a decision, we make it based on what we know at that time, and we do our best to do the best thing possible. Then afterwards you get feedback, or something happens that makes it clear to you, this did not go well. And only then can you see what could have gone better, not before. So basically, the situation itself showed you how it can be improved and how you could have done it differently. But in that moment you did not yet know. If it didn’t happen the way it did you would not have known how and what to change. And yes, some decisions can have very serious impact in our lives and/or very sad consequences.
To learn how to accept the consequences of your decisions can be challenging and may take some soul searching. You could find that you actually subconsciously were sabotaging yourself, maybe you were ignoring something that you deep down already knew. If you look deep enough and be very honest with yourself you’ll probably find the answer to a situation in your life you are unhappy about. Sometimes seeing a situation for what it is and being completely honest is very hard. It’s interesting how others sometimes see it before we see it ourselves. How often does it happen you know what the problem is that someone else is having, he or she needs to let go of something, or needs to take action. But for some reason they are not able to do that yet. There could be all kinds of reasons why it is hard to do what you unconsciously know needs to happen. You could have trouble letting someone or something go out of your life, maybe a friend, a loved one or a job. Accepting is a thing that takes time, you need to grow towards something, and that is why life keeps throwing situations at you in which you feel uncomfortable. The feeling of discomfort can be the pressure or little nudge you need to take action for that actual change towards something better.
I believe that life creates situations for you so you can practice and grow as a human. It would not even be possible to do everything correct the first time you are challenged with life. Sometimes it takes two, three, even way more times before you get it. So be gentle with yourself in the process, you can do as best as you can and if necessary, you’ll make the same mistake a couple of times. Not a problem, life is patient. Life just keeps throwing situations upon you until you get the point and you can move on to a new lesson.
If you have any comments, thoughts or questions about this blog, I would love for you to post them below and I’ll get back to them!